Real listening is an active process that has three basic steps, each of which can be mastered in a very short period of time. All it takes is the will to make a difference to your communication with others.
The first step is to HEAR the person. Contrary to popular opinion, hearing and listening are not the same thing, we hear and listen to things all the time but often we are tuning out most of it as background noise. If you can repeat back the key points that the person talking to you has been making then you have really heard what they have said.
The second step is to UNDERSTAND what has been said (and in some cases what has not been said – usually by watching the body language and/or tone with which the words are spoken. If you can repeat back the key points and then refine them to clarify for yourself exactly what was said then you are reaching understanding.
The final step is to JUDGE what has been said to you to find out whether it makes sense or whether you believe what they are talking about. This might mean that you pass the sentances and statements made through a series of filters before you respond and reply. If you can do this and respond appropriately, then you have been able to use judgement effectively.
So what might these three steps look like in a normal conversation?
- Person Speaking: ” did you know that every snowflake is completely unique?”
- You “I didn’t realise that about snowflakes”
- Judgement “How can they all be different, but then as fingerprints are all unique I think that I can believe it”?
Every communication we have will go through the same three steps – usually at lightening speed and we won’t be aware that it’s happening most of the time. The trick is to catch yourself at the first stage and really ‘hear’ what is being said so that you can understand, make a judgement and then respond appropriately.
